Ever wish you could rummage through the mind of a man to figure out what he is really thinking about? Do you wish to figure out what his silence or short answers really means? Women have tried to interpret “men-psyche” since the dawn of time. One case in point and at the expense of men, Shakespeare wrote:
“Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever;
One foot in sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.”
Balthazar in Much Ado About Nothing
As a history buff, I have always found this quote very intriguing. I have asked myself many a time; how frustrated were women with men in the 1500’s to inspire such a quote from Shakespeare?
The questions have not changed much; “Why didn’t he call?” “Why is he so exceptionally quiet on the trip back home after some family events?” “Why is he reluctant to discuss his finances in detail?” “Why is it so difficult for him to just make a commitment?”
Each man is different and so there is no one-size-fits-all explanation for male tendencies. However, there are a number of surprising parallels on the secrets most men keep from women. Here are the top five secrets men keep from women and why.
1. We are jealous of some men in your family
You will never know that we are secretly jealous of specific influential men in your family. The list always starts with your father. We know and experience the love and affection some women shower on their dads. Our inability to match or exceed that affection can brew jealously. We also feel as if your fathers may never find us worthy or good enough for you. That thought is never lost any time your father creeps into the picture or comes up in a conversation. You may be oblivious to the fact that we stare when you waltz over to your dad during a family event. Oh, are we stewing with jealously just watching the two of you! You will never know that we are jealous of your father because we obviously do not want to invoke any hurt. We certainly do not want you to feel like you have to choose between us and your dad.
Then there is that go to rich uncle who is ever ready to assist when you need that extra shopping money. That uncle who was always the “go to” man in your broke college years. That rich uncle who never ever says no when you ask for support. You may never know that the rich uncle who is always willing to part with his cash deals a death blow to our innate role as fixers and providers. It makes us feel horribly inadequate as men. We perceive another man providing support to our women as an intrusion on our personal territory. We definitely cannot yell at your dad or uncle and so sadly we stay in our lanes and stay mute on our jealousy for them.
2. We have Guilty Pleasures
Yes, we may never say it out loud but you are not the only ones who enjoy watching reality shows. The Real Housewives Series and Keeping Up with the Kardashians have more male viewers than you think. For the most part, women may be the ones to get us started with these shows. We hem and haw about having to sit through a “chick” show but we continue to watch it even in your absence. Yes, we know who Porsha from The Housewives of Atlanta is shacking up with. The drama is just too juicy to miss. Another benefit is, we get to secretly ogle at hot women on TV without feeling guilty. Cynthia Bailey is super hot! It is in your best interest not to ask however if we like NeNe’s chest better than yours.
3. The state of our finances
Keeping you from knowing how bad our finances are is never personal. Men have a strong need to be or feel like providers at all times. It is an evolutionary hard-wiring and we absolutely cannot be seen as incapable of taking care of our women financially. That said, most men appear more successful than they are. In reality, the man driving that latest model of a car with an address in the most desirable part of town may have his bank accounts in the red. We will rather face the humiliation of borrowing money from others than admit to you that we cannot pay the rent this month or take you shopping. On the contrary, some men may hide how rich or successful they are if their partner is one who loves to spend or if they have a project they are working on. One friend told me that he receives a huge bonus every year from work but he never tells his wife.
4. My family and friends hate you
You will never know that our family and some friends have a deep seated dislike for you. We know and listen to them rant all the time about how annoying you are. Most of our friends and family will always be cool with you. However, we may never tell you that they secretly wish you will screw up so we can dump you. Most men will not let you know because they are not prepared to be caught up in the drama that will unfold after such revelations. Most men are not equipped to handle conflicts involving you and his friends or you and his family. The irony is, we get to hear how you hate some members of our family and some of our friends but you will never hear that they hate you right back (not from us at least).
5. Cut to the chase
Another thing we hide from women is the fact that we don’t care about all the little details of your stories. For example, we get it that you have that one female co-worker who loves to stab you in the back because you are prettier than she is. We heard you the first time when you took us through the minutia details of what that co-worker said to five other co-workers. You will never know that we are tired of hearing different versions of the never-ending “she hates me” saga. For the most part, we’d appreciate it if you skip all the unnecessary talk and just cut to the chase! For heavens sake just tell us what is really important.
Some readers may ask why affairs or maintaining a relationship with another woman is not part of my top five secrets men keep from women. The answer is simple really. Yes, an affair is a big secret most men will keep from their wives or girlfriends. However, not all men have affairs and secondly, cheating is a deed most women unfortunately suspect may happen at some point in a relationship. The suspicion is so high that one can argue that; having an affair is now an open secret. In my humble opinion, the secrets I discussed above impacts men of all kinds; good and bad, cheaters and non cheaters, religious and non-religious, black or white.
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