Core values are non-negotiables, such as the desire to marry, to have kids, or to move to Iceland. If you and your partner’s core values differ significantly, that is a major red flag, which by itself should be cause for concern, regardless of how well you currently get along.
If you are willing to negotiate your so-called core values, those values are not in fact — or no longer are — your core values. Granted, it’s possible for you to truly change your core values, but changes of this kind shouldn’t be the result of pressure or suggestions from a romantic partner. They should be the result of personal growth.
2. Your Partner Takes You for Granted.
You watch the movies your partner picked out earlier. You eat the food he decided to bring home from a local take-out place without consulting with you. You dress the kids in clothes you know he likes. Meanwhile, he never acknowledges any of this. He simply takes your submissive behavior for granted. In his mind, it’s assumed that this is how things are meant to be. It feels as if you could be replaced by an inflatable sex dolls. Would it make a difference to your partner’s behavior? Probably not; he would just have a larger share of the Chinese takeout.
3. Your Partner Does Not Respect You.
Lack of respect can show up in many different forms. One is the lack of forward-moving actions. Others are verbal or emotional abuse , and passive-aggressive behavior. All of these forms of abusive behavior can be so subtle that it is hard to recognize it for what it is. Your partner might be well aware that he fails to do his share of the household duties and yet does nothing about it (passive-aggressive), or he might attempt to create distance between you by making plans for the weekend without first attempting to make joint plans with you.
Sometimes these styles of abusive behaviors are less subtle. A partner may call you derogatory names, like bitch, and never apologize. They might even repeat it. Or they might disguise it: “In those clothes, you look like a slut.” By putting it that way, your partner attempts to control you without you having a direct way to blame him. The abuse is disguised; after all, he didn’t actually call you a slut.
4. Your Partner Does Not Care About Your Emotional or Sexual Needs.
Everything you do, you do because it fits your partner’s way or your partner’s day. He expects you will want whatever he wants. He takes but rarely gives. He expects you to make things easy for him, so he hardly has to do anything to remain in a relationship with you. Your partner may question the frequency of times you perform oral sex, while virtually never reciprocating, even after your hints or requests. If you think about it, you may realize that you can count on one hand the number of times your partner has focused on your needs, satisfied them, or even just tried to understand them.
Core values are non-negotiables, such as the desire to marry, to have kids, or to move to Iceland. If you and your partner’s core values differ significantly, that is a major red flag, which by itself should be cause for concern, regardless of how well you currently get along.
If you are willing to negotiate your so-called core values, those values are not in fact — or no longer are — your core values. Granted, it’s possible for you to truly change your core values, but changes of this kind shouldn’t be the result of pressure or suggestions from a romantic partner. They should be the result of personal growth.
2. Your Partner Takes You for Granted.
You watch the movies your partner picked out earlier. You eat the food he decided to bring home from a local take-out place without consulting with you. You dress the kids in clothes you know he likes. Meanwhile, he never acknowledges any of this. He simply takes your submissive behavior for granted. In his mind, it’s assumed that this is how things are meant to be. It feels as if you could be replaced by an inflatable sex dolls. Would it make a difference to your partner’s behavior? Probably not; he would just have a larger share of the Chinese takeout.
3. Your Partner Does Not Respect You.
Lack of respect can show up in many different forms. One is the lack of forward-moving actions. Others are verbal or emotional abuse , and passive-aggressive behavior. All of these forms of abusive behavior can be so subtle that it is hard to recognize it for what it is. Your partner might be well aware that he fails to do his share of the household duties and yet does nothing about it (passive-aggressive), or he might attempt to create distance between you by making plans for the weekend without first attempting to make joint plans with you.
Sometimes these styles of abusive behaviors are less subtle. A partner may call you derogatory names, like bitch, and never apologize. They might even repeat it. Or they might disguise it: “In those clothes, you look like a slut.” By putting it that way, your partner attempts to control you without you having a direct way to blame him. The abuse is disguised; after all, he didn’t actually call you a slut.
4. Your Partner Does Not Care About Your Emotional or Sexual Needs.
Everything you do, you do because it fits your partner’s way or your partner’s day. He expects you will want whatever he wants. He takes but rarely gives. He expects you to make things easy for him, so he hardly has to do anything to remain in a relationship with you. Your partner may question the frequency of times you perform oral sex, while virtually never reciprocating, even after your hints or requests. If you think about it, you may realize that you can count on one hand the number of times your partner has focused on your needs, satisfied them, or even just tried to understand them.