5 Fears That Keeps Us Single

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Fear of abandonment.
Sure, there’s fear of other people leaving us, and we can trace it back to the womb or our lack of lap time, but what if this one has more to do with resistance to leaving your old crutches of excuse behind? Who might you be without them?

Fear of ghosts .
Past partners who disappeared without so much as a backward glance. Old friends, teachers, bosses, and family members who didn’t seem to care enough to take you seriously. Negative voices from the past, when left unchecked, take up space in our minds and play loudly in our heads whenever we stumble. Over time, they can weigh so heavily until we unconsciously take on their voices as our own. The next time you experience this kind of haunting, remind yourself that it’s within your power now to decide what’s true for you—in love and every area of your life.

Fear of visibility.
Being in relationship—romantic or otherwise—means being in it, not longing from the sidelines and not smallerizing yourself when unsuitable prospects come calling. If you’re prone to measuring down or inflating your sense of self out of desperation to ‘have’ someone, you’re not allowing your real self to be seen. What would it take for you to trust that you’re actually enough already?

Fear of fear.
It may seem ridiculous, the thought of fearing fear, but let’s not forget the value of healthy fear, the kind that backs us away from hot stoves and toxic people. Rather than being afraid you’ll overthink yourself out of your next chance at love—and thereby shutting down access to your own intuition and knowing—stay open to what your body (the ultimate barometer of feeling) is telling you. Did not Heart (the band) school us well on this one already? Listen to your heart and not to the voices of your former fearful selves of relationships past.

Fear of reality.
Getting ‘real’ is not for the feeble. It demands courage and presence to show up as you in a culture that overwhelmingly celebrates artifice. What I said earlier about smallerizing the self in order to fit in, appear normal and be accepted: it’s a thing. We’re all susceptible to it. But, to the extent we’re able to honor our own path as we go, and to extend compassion to everyone we meet on that road, the less fearful we’ll be when confronted with the reality that embodying our power will pose a challenge to those who don’t do the same for themselves.

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